in which i pour my heart out into a gratitude list

This is not the most typical Pour Your Heart Out, but I think it works...














I have many things to be thankful for in my life. I often forget about them though.
When I sit down and talk to my friends I always seem to answer their question of "How are you?" with a: meh, ok, alright, tired...
Never with a: great, fabulous, or wonderful...

I don't like this about myself. I don't care for how easily I allow myself to focus on the negative and let it overshadow the positive.
It is the same way with being a parent, I so quickly jump to the things my daughter does wrong then all the great things she does on a so much more routine basis!

So, today I am going try to look at the bright side with a gratitude list. I at first wanted ten things but I didn't want to feel like I was stretching to come up with something genuine towards the end, so I am sticking with five for now.

1. I have an immense amount of gratitude for my education. I have a B.S. and an M.S., and while degrees seem to be a dime a dozen these days, I am proud of my hard work and thankful for the opportunity to achieve those goals.

2. I feel so blessed each moment I spend with my friends and those I care about most. I want to make a more concerted effort to hug them more, kiss them more, and tell them I love them more.

3. I am grateful that I have passion. For awhile I was unsure at how I would ever move on with my life. How I would find anything fulfilling or wonder-inducing anymore. I have found that it comes naturally to me, my passion for words, for creating, for loving. It has not diminished but grown so much in this last year.

4. I am filled with wonder and appreciation for the lessons I have learned this past year and track it has set me on. I have been able to discover more of myself than I ever knew I was even missing. And I have been able to see what is really important.

5. (what you really thought I would leave her out?) Aubrey, my daughter, the blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh. This tiny human that I can wrap my arms around and breath in her little girl smell. Who I can't double check enough on before I go to bed and as she lays breathing, slowly and shallowly, in and out-in and out-in and out. She is growing so quickly. She is aging so fast. She is no longer the little infant who held her head up defiantly before anyone said she should be. Nor is she my cute little chubs who waited to crawl until just before she was ready to walk. She is not my Disney song loving little girl any more. And she is not my page-boy hair-do'd girl running around the preschool playground. She is strong and sweet. Compassionate and daring. Careful and unchecked. Quiet, yet living gloriously out loud! She is the love of my life and I am not just thankful for her presence. I am blessed, I am humbled, I am thrilled by her.

I know there is more but will stop for now. Small steps when you start out!

in which i talk about the plan and give something away!

Well, this last week was a PLAN success! Even considering that due to construction I wore jeans and a tee three times and then threw on a HOKIE tee on Saturday to support my favorite college football team!
I have noticed I have leaned more towards headbands...and kind of wonder if I haven't become comfortable in them and so use them as a way to avoid wearing a skirt or dress. Or it could be I am too lazy to shave my legs....
Saying that though I loved my first outfit, though I was a little worried about the combo of polka dots and polka dots! It worked out well though I think!
What do you think? Oh, and the headband from Little Bit Funky, love it! I got one for myself and one for Aubrey, they are so well made and just the greatest color/pattern combos! Check her store or blog out!

So now that I have told you how I am doing on the PLAN, what do you think and how about you?
What is one way you have, in the last week, stepped out of your comfort zone? It doesn't need to be a fashion comfort zone!
It could be anything! Crafting, parenting, cooking, relationships..etc!
What is one way you have challenged yourself! Let me know and I would love to hear how it worked out!
After midnight Friday night I will pick (randomly) from everyone who leaves me a comment about their efforts and they will win their choice of a pair of Button Earrings from my Etsy shop or a Yoyo or Bow Headband.
Make sure you leave your email so I can let you know that you won!
**disclaimer** you do not have to follow my blog to share your experience!

in which I post a tad late in the day!

 I don't usually post this late in the day but this weekend has beat me down! And by the grace of the sleepover gods I was able to take some time recuperating from all the busy-ness that occured!Saturday was Mommy/Grandma/Aubrey Girls morning (which turned into afternoon) out. We had breakfast out, followed by haircuts and eyebrow waxes (for Grandma and Mommy-Grandma made mommy do it!) That was followed by Joanns for the awesome awesome sale and the furry pink sequined change purse that Aubs choose from the dollar section for her stellar behavior!Once home on Saturday there was reorganization of massive amounts of craft supplies followed by another trip to Joanns because the sale was too good to pass up.The evening finished off with a minor league baseball game, complete with hot dogs, lemonade, running the bases and fireworks!Sunday meant the zoo, lunch with friends, Aubs sleepover and Mommy's Bright Eyes concert (amazingly fabulous- I will probably write about it this week). I know this seems like a normal amount of stuff but holy crap-olla it took the stuffing out of me!Here are a few pictures to share!

 Hope everyone is having an amazing Labor Day and enjoyed their three-day weekend as much as I did.

   

in which i ergo and you can tell i am hungry

seriously all of these are pins I have pinned in about an hour span...can you tell I might be a little hungry?

I love cheese.
I like croutons, a lot-I dreamed about croutons last night...!
Ergo, I LOVE this:


grilled cheese croutons via

Again, I love cheese.
I love a reason to eat chips and salsa and drink a margarita.
Ergo, I love this:

Bubble enchiladas via

Uh, so again, I love cheese. (I may or may not have had two string cheeses in the last hour)
And I love pizza.
Ergo, I love this:

Pizza dip via

So we have already established I like cheese, well I also love dips!
I love crab too.
Ergo, loving cheese and crab, I love this:

Warm Crab Dip via

Finally, I love spicy food (most of the time).
And I love, surprise surprise, cheese.
Ergo, I love this:

Jalepeno Popper Grill Cheese via

Anyone else hungry? Or have some cheese you would like to donate?

Also, for a chance to win a pair of earrings or a headband, go here and tell me how you challenged yourself this week!

And to ask me some questions, go here.

in which i post a semi-"heavy" post

I was kind of looking over my blog the other day and I realized how ambiguous a lot of the information about myself is. Now believe you me that is mostly on purpose. While I make no secret of the general area I live in, I certainly take care not to provide information that would compromise the safety and privacy of those I love or myself. I also, out of respect for other parties involved, try not to air a lot of the situation that is going on in my life. That being said I still thought it would be nice if I gave you guys a little bit of background about me and then opened the floor for questions (cause I am nice like that). I picked three semi-random subjects that I thought might give you a general feeling of Tessica.

Blog/URL Name

My blog is named from a line of a Walt Whitman poem and also inspired by a Hugo Victor quote.

From Paumanok Starting I Fly Like a Bird by Walt Whitman

---

From Paumanok starting I fly like a bird,
Around and around to soar to sing the idea of all,
To the north betaking myself to sing there arctic songs,
To Kanada till I absorb Kanada in myself, to Michigan then,
To Wisconsin, Iowa, Minnesota, to sing their songs, (they are inimitable;)
Then to Ohio and Indiana to sing theirs, to Missouri and Kansas and
Arkansas to sing theirs,
To Tennessee and Kentucky, to the Carolinas and Georgia to sing theirs,
To Texas and so along up toward California, to roam accepted everywhere;
To sing first, (to the tap of the war-drum if need be,)
The idea of all, of the Western world one and inseparable,
And then the song of each member of these States. 

I love this poem because it encompasses a view I hold deeply and that can also be summed up in a Whitman line (which is also a tattoo I have) "for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you." Essentially, I believe in the idea of the all, we are all one and should respect and cherish each other and live judgement free the best we can for we are all we have and are a part of each other. I promise I'm not smoking weed! I just believe in words and the power behind them.

The reinforcement of the bird image throughout my blog comes from that Victor Hugo quote: "Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings." That quote was extremely instrumental in reminding me that I have my own wings and need not rely on a branch to support me. I talk about the quote here.

Oh and one last thing about my name, my url momyawp, yawp is a Whitman word that means:

yawp  (yôp)

intr.v. yawped, yawp·ing, yawps

1. To utter a sharp cry; yelp.

2. To talk loudly, raucously, or coarsely.

n.

1. A bark; a yelp.

2. Loud or coarse talk or utterance: "I sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world" (Walt Whitman).

It fits me, what can I say!

Living Situation and Being a Single Mom

Currently I live in my childhood home with my daughter and my parents. Moving home was a hard decision to make and one that affected my life beyond measure. I left behind a life I had built- friends, people I loved, a career and much of what I thought was my independence. 

No one dreams of moving back home as an adult, but as a single mother the opportunity it has provided me to raise Aubrey in an environment with people who love her, want the best for her, and are willing to put her first is a blessing and I am thankful for it every single day.

Being a single mom is not easy. But never for one single day would I give up the opportunity I have to strive to provide Aubrey the guidance, reassurance, and love that being her mother affords me. She is the best daughter in the world (sorry, I'm bias) and I am reminded every day of the beauty/wonder/limitlessness of this world when I think/see/ hug/kiss/smooch on that girl!

 

New Life

I have essentially started a new life in the last year and a half. I went from being married to my partner of almost seven years and father of my child to alone. My husband left me to go find his own happiness and I never begrudged him that, other things maybe, but never his happiness.

I in this new role of single (woman and mother) was able to finally explore myself as an adult/woman/mother. I found the woman I always wanted to be and am so happy to be working towards that woman every day.

Moving back to the area I grew up in has also afforded me new opportunities. While I still have my friends that I have spent the last few years sharing/spending my life with, I now have the chance to go make new friends, have new experiences.

One of the neatest parts of this is exploring our Nation's Capitol. While I haven't done a ton (hello, 7 Year old!) I love finding new things to do and exploring the old things that I never made time for as a teenager growing up right outside the city!

I am really hoping to meet some new people and have recently started reading some local blogs and am going to try (working up the courage) to connect with some of these bloggers.

So, there is the mini-encyclopedia about me...sorry!

Do you have any questions? I will answer just about anything! And if I don't feel comfortable answering it on my blog I will consider answering in an email!